I puked a lego.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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