I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize