how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
