But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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