dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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