nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
