i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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