you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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