I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
