First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
