Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
