Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
