Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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