do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
