i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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