its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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