My nipple is on Facebook.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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