remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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