your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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