ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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