I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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