im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
