Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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