I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize