i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
