i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize