I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
