Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
