he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
