someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
