This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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