She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
