I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
