I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize