I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
