I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
