there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
