Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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