My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You can't special order awesome
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
