another moral hangover. fuck.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
