i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
