I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize