actually, I'm a sock model
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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