Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
