would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
