dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
