I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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