At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
