Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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