do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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