3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize