I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
