Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
