I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
