im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
