For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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