Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like death gave me a hand job
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize