before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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