If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
