I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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