think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
