You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
