i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
