just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
