Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
