I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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