I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize