My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i want to swaddle you in tequila
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't deserve a penis
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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