I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
