Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
