If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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