So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
