my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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