I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
meet me or not, i'm out of control
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
