I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When are your genitals available?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
