Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
