no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
