just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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