u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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