They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
