when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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