so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those š
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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