oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
