You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
