You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
