i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize