Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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