Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
