a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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