I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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