He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
