I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
