she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I touched a dick in church today
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