Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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